


You Can't Do That On Youtube

by Rosencrantz



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, canon divergence: they get to sit down and relax for ten damn minutes, hashtag relatable, mjolnir sees other wielders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-07 05:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17359556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosencrantz/pseuds/Rosencrantz
Summary: Putting your hammer on things so they can't move never gets old. Until Steve reveals he can move it.Takes place during Age of Ultron where Age of Ultron is not actually happening and does not happen. EDIT: and with zero foreknowledge of Endgame.





	You Can't Do That On Youtube

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lucifuge5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifuge5/gifts).



> You said you liked canon divergence so I went with hey, how about they actually get to do team stuff instead of Age of Ultron? So the scene with Mjolnir had to happen some other way, clearly.
> 
> It's not mentioned, but a few galaxies away Thanos fell in the shower and was unable to do Infinity War.
> 
> Thank you to thedevilchicken for the beta!

Thor sat on the couch, a defeated man. His shoulders were slumped. His long blond hair hung listlessly. 

Steve knew he shouldn't laugh at his teammate and friend at his most vulnerable. Even though this was all Thor's fault.

It was on camera. Somehow Public Relations had been hired for the team and 'you need to be more relatable!' had come up. Then came the YouTube channel. 

It was amazing what could be forgiven, it turned out, if you were just 'relatable'. Such as: three blocks in Manhattan, the original Statue of Liberty, and one (1) New York City Hall lost in a moleman incursion. 

The shows just didn't last long.

First there was Bruce's Amateur Cooking Hour, which had gone so well until the hulk-out and the tragically collapsed soufflé.

The second to go had been Hawkeye's 'Can I Shoot It?' trick arrow invention series, which was shut down for legal reasons.

The third was just the same show, but this time it was Nat throwing things at Hawkeye like a circus act. Again, for legal reasons.

Then came the pranks. Those had the best reception with the public yet. Ground rules had been set early. No fires. Nothing goes through a window. No arrows.

After the second hulking out, 'No pranking Bruce' had been added to the list.

Thor loved them. Thor used everything Loki had taught him. But his specialty was his hammer. The prank collection included him going up against each Avenger so far (including the infamous hulking incident), excepting one: Steve.

And so Thor's downfall had taken place in the rec room of Avengers Tower. A place of gathering and arguments, but mostly to Steve it was where he caught up on pop culture through the movie collection. He was currently working his way through the spaghetti western era. 

Now let us look at the videofile.

* * *

Thor's recording had run thus:

_It started with Thor grinning at the camera, giving the potential audience a thumbs up. He then placed Steve's shield on top of the coffee table. With great precision, to balance on the shield's curve, Thor set Mjolnir on top. He proceeded to hide off-camera._

* * *

Steve wasn't sure if the next part of the tape was going to ever make it to YouTube. It had been a simple mistake. Steve hadn't seen the camera. He'd been distracted. He hadn't thought to look. All he'd seen was his shield, which he'd needed _right now_ to get to his booked time in the training room, on the coffee table. And he'd picked up Mjolnir and moved it aside with a sigh.

Now it was now and Thor had finished blustering and accusing Steve of being Loki cheating somehow and was sitting on the couch looking almost vulnerable. Steve sat beside him.

"This isn't how I wanted you to find out, buddy," he said, patting Thor's shoulder. "It's just never been a good time to bring it up. I know it's important to you. I just really needed my shield. Is that camera still recording?" 

He glanced up at the red light on the recorder. Oh yes. It was.

"How long have you known you were worthy?" said Thor. His shoulders did not unslump.

"Remember the New Year's party? When you brought that keg of mead? When you were showing us the right way to quaff it, you put Mjolnir in front of the fridge door and I thought, you know, no harm in _trying_ to get more of Bruce's crab puffs out, and well…" 

Steve shrugged. 

"Those were truly worthy crab puffs," admitted Thor. "The hammer must have sensed your intentions."

"Is that what you're telling yourself?" asked Steve.

"Yes," said Thor. 

"You're not less mighty if someone else can wield your hammer, Thor," said Steve. "It's not a contest."

"I am Thor, God of Thunder. You are Steve, Captain of America. There is a difference. Though you are powerful of spirit, I should be the strongest of the Avengers."

"Isn't that Hulk?"

Thor glowered.

"Right, right," said Steve. "Anything I can do to make you feel better?" He got up to turn off the recording while he was at it. 

"There is a rite of supplication, but I do not know if we have time to perish and journey out of Helheim in the lifetime of our friends," said Thor thoughtfully.

"...no, no we haven't," replied Steve. "And you know, now that we're talking about me dying, you were trying to pull a trick on _me_."

"I will consider your words."

"You're still strong--"

"Strong _est_ ," said Thor.

"Strong Avenger," said Steve, not conceding ground for Hulk. "The hammer's magical, it's a… you know, spirit gauge, not a muscle gauge."

"I suppose that's true," said Thor. Still, he glared at the hammer like it had cheated on him. "Go to your practice. I will be here. Pondering."

Steve shrugged and went. He made it mostly down the hall before deciding that no, Thor seemed to be taking this unusually harshly and he should check on him. He turned around and went back to the rec room and heard:

"Loki, if that's you, you have to tell me."

Thor was interrogating Mjolnir. 

Steve leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms and legs and looking inside. "Has that ever worked?"

Thor looked up at him, less slumped and hair looking particularly golden. "Yes. He can't resist popping up and stabbing me. Although it appears he is still in prison and this is, indeed, Mjolnir. Traitorous thing."

"Hey, sometimes hammers see other wielders," said Steve, coming back in. "You must already be feeling better if you're at the interrogation stage of shock."

He sat down beside Thor again. 

"Your training session?" asked Thor.

"Eh, I've already missed most of it," said Steve. "I'm sure the robots won't mind the break. I don't know if they're sentient or not."

 _THEY ARE NOT_ said Jarvis.

Steve looked down at where Thor's hand had clutched his in surprise. 

"Hey there," he said.

"I will not be getting used to that," said Thor. "But you leave me with a new issue: If I'm to continue my vi-deo series, I need an immovable object…"

Steve looked at their hands, still together. "Warning you now, if you do anything to my bike, I won't be responsible for where Mjolnir ends up."

"Unreasonable! Already you're using this to make me suffer!" protested Thor. 

"Hey, whatever works to keep you in line, big guy." 

Thor looked so put out and indignant, Steve gave into an urge to peck Thor's cheek lightly, the way Nat had done once that had cracked him up. "There there."

It had the same effect on Thor, the pout disappearing and the god dissolving into laughter.

"We good?" said Steve.

Suddenly he found himself in Thor's arms, bent almost laying on the couch, Thor above him like some romance novel.

"I _will_ conquer you with one of these 'pranks', Steve Rogers," vowed Thor. "And you will all have yielded to me."

Steve gripped Thor's arms, not minding his position all that much.

"We'll see about that."

Thor looked up where the camera was hidden. "That has been deactivated, yes?"

"Dunno. What will you do if it has?"

"More than simply impress you with my strength, were you willing. You did, after all, kiss me."

Steve's mind did math very quickly.

"I turned it off," he said even faster.

* * *

The eventual prank that undid Captain America and became a viral meme was Thor simply walking up to Steve and pieing him in the face as they passed.

The rest of their interactions have not been televised.


End file.
